Stress can come unannounced.
Life seems to pile up the challenges quickly. Circumstances can change in an instant and so many things can happen that you just aren't ready for.
Griffin and Heather have walked into a season just like this. And even though what they are walking into are all good things the stress has come very fast.
In this episode Griffin and Heather talk about how they are trying to approach the upcoming stressful season. With a fifth child on the way and moving the whole family to a new state for a brand new job it is critical to approach it well.
You will hear the different ways Griffin and Heather approach their stress and also what they do together as a couple to be proactive. They touch on the significance of their faith in these seasons and how that helps keep them in the right mindset to take it all on in the healthiest way possible.
Thank you for taking this journey with us! We hope to strengthen your marriage one conversation at a time. And don't forget to check out more resources at RealMarriagePodcast.com.
Stress can come unannounced.
Life seems to pile up the challenges quickly. Circumstances can change in an instant and so many things can happen that you just aren't ready for.
Griffin and Heather have walked into a season just like this. And even though what they are walking into are all good things the stress has come very fast.
In this episode Griffin and Heather talk about how they are trying to approach the upcoming stressful season. With a fifth child on the way and moving the whole family to a new state for a brand new job it is critical to approach it well.
You will hear the different ways Griffin and Heather approach their stress and also what they do together as a couple to be proactive. They touch on the significance of their faith in these seasons and how that helps keep them in the right mindset to take it all on in the healthiest way possible.
Thank you for taking this journey with us! We hope to strengthen your marriage one conversation at a time. And don't forget to check out more resources at RealMarriagePodcast.com.
[inaudible]. Hey everybody. Welcome back to the real marriage podcast. Griffin and Heather here. Heather is losing it over there already. We are glad to be back. And man, what a season we're in. We're so excited about the future, but the reality Heather is setting in of all the details. I guess we could say of moving, buying a house, selling a house, listing a house, keeping the house, clean, all the different things coming. Are you holding up well over there, you went on like a four hour walk last night with one of your friends.
Speaker 2:I couldn't feel my legs
Speaker 1:Either goes out at seven 30. Like we're in bed by eight 15. And she it's like 10 o'clock and I'm like, where is she? She didn't take her phone. And I'm like, I'm not worried about her, but like, I know this, your friend is very verbal and a lot to catch up on and talk about everyone's life is changing. So are you, how are you feeling today? You were a little sore last.
Speaker 2:Oh my hips carry around a little baby in there. Oh, old am I now I can't go on a walk, a brisk walk.
Speaker 1:What a joke we are. I couldn't go a week playing soccer without hurting something every week. And you can barely write.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was three hours though. Three hours. It's a long time.
Speaker 1:I was so bored. I didn't know what to do with myself last night. I started reading lamin station.
Speaker 2:Oh, well, I mean your breastfeed had pastor you better read all the books
Speaker 1:So sad. I've read it. It's so sad though, but wow. So today we really want to jump into speaking out of our season of life. And so as excited as we are to, by the way, the vote for me, if, if this is all gonna go through happens, uh, Sunday. So hopefully this, as this is coming out, it's official that I'm able to move into this role at this church. We're so excited about what's ahead of us. But I think we're finding as we get into the details of it, that stress can hit like, boom. Yeah. And isn't it crazy that even a season of blessing can feel like sometimes a burden almost, or you're trying to manage the newness and certainly walking into a new season, the unknowns and unexpected things can just throw you into a place of being overwhelmed or stressed out.
Speaker 2:Right? Well, yeah. I think sometimes we walk into a season and we know it's going to be a lot. Right? Like you're starting any job. Like when you get there, I'm like, okay, I'm mentally know this. Probably going to be a lot for Griffin just to adjust to. Right. And you know, when you start, when you start a new year in college or in school, whenever you do something new, like these things, like, you know, the stress is coming, but with us, I feel like it hit us out of nowhere.
Speaker 1:It was kind of yeah. Fast, rapid things. And especially baby plus, Hey, our whole life is changing. We're moving a new territory. Like
Speaker 2:We found out we were pregnant. And then within that week we were invited up to North Carolina to visit and for Griffin to preach literally like, so it was just two massive things, both good, but just like, I can't even process the one. And
Speaker 1:Well, do you remember? So we were there for four days away from our kids, which was good, but also like hard. We, we haven't really done that. And just the overwhelming feeling of like, we've got major decisions to make. And some of you are in that place of like, do I change jobs? Do I move this? Do I take this opportunity? Um, do I get married? Like all the different things that you're walking through. It's like, Whoa, the overwhelming meter can just go really high, really fast. Even when it's good things, things you're excited about excitement can turn to exhaustion.
Speaker 2:Well, our bodies don't know the difference between good stress and bad stress, like planning a wedding, super stressful, but it's an awesome thing. Preparing to have a baby. It's incredible. Like, but it's stressful. Like, and it's good stress moving to North Carolina with all your dreams coming true. Very exciting. But it's still stress. And then versus like negative, bad stress, like conflict, uh, relational issues, you know, health problems like unknowns worries. Those kinds of things like that's bad stress, but your body just reads it as stress. There's no good or bad. And so you have to really be proactive once you, I think for us, we kind of looked at each other and we were like, okay, all of a sudden, our life just went from a zero to a 20 and we're either going to walk through this and do it really poorly, or we're going to have to, we just like looked at each other, like we gotta, we're gonna, we ha we're going to go through this. This is very important. Like we want to do it well. So in that, when we recognize that the stress was coming, we just got really practical and really intentional. And we've just really came up with a game plan of how we're going to navigate this stress that has just come at rapid pace into our lives.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And I think it's good as you go, stress is going to come. It's just that conflict is going to happen and challenges are going to happen. And so I think we know unexpected times in our life are going to hit. Right. And again, the more responsibility you have because a lot of what you and I have been talking about, if it was just you and I making these decisions, like we could go anywhere. We could go to Montana, we could go to wherever God wants to take us, or it would be an adventure, but now we're making decisions for five children and their futures and uprooting them and the schools they're going to be in and where we're going to live. And I mean, that's, I think that's part of the stress is like, we don't even know what's going to happen. And so there's a lot of unknowns that can just make it really feel like harder and harder or challenging. And so we want to be proactive and immediately. So I felt, I guess, give some context. I got overwhelmed pretty quickly as exciting and as blessed, you know, as this situation has been like, once the paperwork started coming on, like buying and selling the house stuff and all those big things immediately in my chest, I, it just started rising. And it just like this burden and this weight, and I, I've honestly got to a point where I'm so sick of, you know, junk, that doesn't happen a lot. But when it does, I hate it. I hate feeling overwhelmed by circumstances. And so I think what you and I have really tried to tackle more and more and probably faster and faster is the how to approach it. So that dissipates quicker, right? Not that we're never going to feel stressed, but how do we attack it and how do we rise above that? Not even just individually, which is a part of, I think what we want to talk about, how do we support each other in that, but what is the, the goal to get to man, let's, let's not allow it to dictate us in such a negative way, because to your point, I mean, it has so many ramifications physically, emotionally, like you've kind of studied this before, right? Stress is one of the most impactful things on your body probably because it happens.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And I think so we, I think that when, when we go through trauma stress and everyone is walking through, has walked through is, is walking through it right now, managing that stress. You just have to really pay attention to it. And a lot of times we want to escape. We want to go on social media. We want to go to something that's going to almost numb it and take it away, but that doesn't take it away. And it doesn't actually help your body in the long run. It's just a brief momentary like fix of like, okay, I'll be okay.
Speaker 1:That's really, the problem is I was having this conversation with a 20 year old this morning at church. And just that idea is that we'd rather avoid it rather than deal with it. Do you think that's really our problem? Like our natural is kind of the flight not to fight it, but to run away, hide, watch something, just be distracted from it.
Speaker 2:I think we're, it's easy to get overwhelmed by making decisions. And it's hard to face what you're feeling. I mean, most people want to avoid their real feelings. So they watch other things to feel D or do other things to feel different
Speaker 3:There. Now we're getting deep into it
Speaker 2:When you leave those things unchecked. That is just when so many things can build and they'll manifest themselves in bitterness and unforgiveness and an anger and an insecurity and an like it'll come out. And so when I think stress is these moments in these seasons, you're going to, you're going to have to go through. So you should, as you go through it, you need to grow through it because you have this amazing opportunity in those moments to have faith, to trust in the Lord. I, when we were walking through this, I pictured Peter on the water, like keeping his eyes locked on Jesus, because the thing that's stressing you out, the thing that you're afraid of is hovering like that storm was it's all around them. It's flashing, it's loud. The Thunder's rolling. It's scary. What you feel like you need to do. It seems impossible because no one walks on water. Like you want me to do this right now with a baby? Like, I'm going to go, are you kidding me? Just, just in my fifth? What, like, what are we doing here? You know? And I just kept visualizing like, Jesus, just keep your eyes on me. This is your opportunity. And what did he say to Peter at the end? You have little faith. And I just remember this moment of like, I don't want to walk through this. And then Jesus say you had little faith. Like, I want him to say, Heather, you did it with big, bold faith. And I'm so proud of you. And so I don't even know if we have a list or we just have thoughts, but the first thing that we were like, we have to do this. It was spiritual, was the foundation of, I realized we have a choice. We're either gonna worry about it or we're going to pray into it. And those are two radically different approaches to all the unknowns, to all the things we actually had to get done. And we had to do, um, we fasted, we, we took a a week and we fasted over things. Um, and we were just incredibly intentional about grounding ourselves and with our faith and with Jesus and with trust, with trust in a season of stress, it had to be, instead of running to things to escape, we ran to the Lord for refreshment and for peace.
Speaker 1:I think a lot of stress comes from the unknowns of we don't. We want to make the right decisions. We want to make sure it goes smoothly. That's a lot of it. And a lot of that's kind of like control and wanting to know, and that's just not how life works. And so the faith aspect brings you into the place of peace. And it's kind of what helps me is to allow myself to only think of right now, because I can't control what's what's forward. And just kind of wrapping your mind around what can I do right now? And a lot of that needs to start with being present with the Lord and allowing the spirit to bring me into the right place, mentally, to focus on the right things and to keep my eyes focused on him.
Speaker 2:Yes. Keeper. Yes. And, and something, I think that's so key because usually in a stressful season, something is changing location relationship something's shifting
Speaker 1:Or surprised you. Right. But God
Speaker 2:Never changes. So just even if you land there, like, and it, this is like, we're talking, like we simplified things. We didn't make it complicated with scripture. It was like, what is one scripture I can study? Like I read the story of Peter multiple times throughout this. I just kept reading the same thing. And I kept listening to the same worship songs that mentioned that story. Just like, this is my theme right now, keeping my eyes on you. I'm keeping my eyes on you. And I know you've been praying, um, you've shared, you've been praying like almost like phrases that you can remember that have just become themes. That you're just like, this is what I'm going to cling to. And
Speaker 1:Yeah. And I want it to be inner voice language that I'm just like, that's a good point. Not over complicating it, but the simple truth of the word to stand on.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Man plans his way, the Lord prepares the steps, like trust in the Lord. Like you don't ever change. Like I just would say set like true statements that I knew I needed to walk on that I didn't go and study revelation with the commentary or Lamentations made me cry more. No, it was just that I'm going to stay right here. What do I know about God's character? What have I seen in my life thus far, I'm going to remind myself of that and I'm going to just stay right here and just speak life and truth over myself.
Speaker 1:That's so good. Very, very intentional is a word we use a lot, but simplifying, I think going back to almost the basics is important for me as a man, I'll speak to this. I don't know if from like a female perspective, you have certain things spiritually, but what I've really grown to learn is that I have to be vulnerable with the Lord and say, it really approached him with humility and say, God, I do not have the answers. I need your wisdom. I need your discernment on decisions and, and staying on track with different things, but truly, I don't know all the right ways or how to navigate it. And so where I feel the Holy spirit, the most in the midst of this is really humbling myself and, and surrendering to the Lord and asking for his strength. And so my, my strength and my confidence to kind of overcome the stress has to come through humility. And that's been a great, uh, kind of a lesson for me. And, and almost like I'm getting there quicker just to say, I need you, you know what I mean? And I it's with like that with you as well, but it always points back to like, and I don't need to carry the burden. I don't need to think that in a new season, I have to figure it all out and I'm going to fail, you know? And I think there's just that pressure you can put on yourself to make sure it goes well, to not mess anything up or to fail in these things. It's like that that's that level or expectation of perfection makes it even harder.
Speaker 2:That's really good because I think too, when you start something new, you're starting out as a seed. Again, like you've never been in this role before, so why would you ever think you're going to do it perfectly? You know, you've watched other people do it for 10 plus years, you know, but you've never done it before. Like I've never been, I've been a pastor's wife for a long time, but never a head pastor's wife. I've been a mother, but I've never been in mother to five children. I'm going to be a brand new mom all over again. And like, you always start out as a seed again, when you're in a, you're in a new season, it's also in your seed, a new seed, which is a new supply of the Lord. And what I love you sharing your humility, because what I tend to do when I am stressed is I go hardcore and like, what can Heather control? I will clean like a crazy woman. I just grit my teeth. And I'm like, what can I control right now?
Speaker 1:I want to be productive and like, feel some tangible success or control.
Speaker 2:I don't know, Griffin. I think some of it is because I'm feeling it and my thoughts are racing. I almost make that same pace with my body. And I'm like, and I want to declutter what I'm doing physically is what I want to do in my brain. And so I'm, de-cluttering a closet and I'm just like wanting that it's crazy. Or I will go do the hardest workout ever. And I make myself get sick. Cause it's like, but those are those certain times are my go tos, which that's not a wrong thing. But at the same time, I love what you're saying about like, I don't have to have all the answers like, and being at peace with that because I know the one who does, and I think you want to approach it and you don't want to fail. And you men struggle with that. I think women need to know like you, God, the father loves me. I'm loved. I'm seen, I'm going to be taken care of. I'm safe. None of that has changed at all. And even thinking about all the decisions we're making for our children, I've often just been like Heather, I've heard him just be like, I love them more than you do. It's like, don't you think I know what they need. Just being like, just brave
Speaker 1:Settle, settle down. And there's, it's a weird dichotomy because we've been given so much responsibility, but we're not meant to handle it alone. And so it's, it's that daily relying on. That's why the strength and confidence needed from above from the Lord. And this Holy spirit in you is so important because so easily you can grab it and try to handle it on your own. It's like that with work. It's like, it's like that with your money, with your marriage, with everything. And so it's, I try to, I need to maybe proactively be humble and keep that as like consistent language. But I've learned to go there once I feel that stress come on so I can just release it and be reminded like I'm not alone and it's not all on me.
Speaker 2:No. And the more like, so you're saying the more responsibility you've been given, the more dependent you need to be on the Lord, almost like the higher, the level you go with with your job or your finances or the amount of children you're raising the lower and more yielded and surrendered you need to be. Yes.
Speaker 1:And what I think happens actually, and what I think God is doing with us is because we're learning to do that. He's giving us more. Does that, does that make sense in here?
Speaker 2:Lord, take that out. No, this kind of goes to the next part and it's, you know, it's, it's literally, it has been Jesus, God, the father like Holy spirit, Trinity lead us, help us give us peace. We need all of you more and more, but then it's, I think what we've done for each other and it is we've given each other space, we've given each other space to feel how we need to feel being very honest. Like I'm literally stressed right now or I'm uh, I'm, uh, I'm about to cry, you know, or I'm overwhelmed or I'm losing my patience or whatever the feeling is. And with no judgment, no shame, like, like, okay, do you wanna talk about it? Like, what do you need? And a lot of times you'd say I need to go on a prayer walk or I'd be like, I need to just go on a run or I need to go, I need to create, like, I need to go, right. I need to go. Like, I need to just sit and play a piano, like I just need, and we would give each other that space space to feel and then space to just go do what we needed to do basically to get back checked in with Jesus. But we would just be strong for each other and like, okay, I'll take it. I'll take all the kids right now. I'll take it. You go, you go for as long as you need. And we were just very intentional about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah. I'd say, uh, there's been, I don't know, in the past two months through this process, there's been some, some moments where we could have really been drawn into some conflict that would have had nothing to do with what the conflict would have been about. It would have been about because how we're feeling based on the circumstances. And we could have gotten really caught up in the surface level, like how the mood you were in because of how you're feeling or the stress I'm feeling from all that's going on. And does that make sense? And I think we're getting better trying to get better at realizing like, all right, that's coming from the circumstances. And so then we're like, okay, how do we give you some time or give you the morning or space like that, which is so important because it could go to a tough direction, right? That compounds the problem. And it's like this. So there's like this awareness like, yeah, this is a hard season. It's exciting and great, but like the potential for those feelings or the tone that comes out, you know, at each other that shouldn't have grace for each.
Speaker 2:And the reason we can give each other more graces because of the more time we've had with Jesus. So it has to go in that order because I naturally wouldn't give him grace because I've been so nauseous and even had some scary stuff with the pregnancy. And it's been very hard on top of, I could literally list you the unknowns right now. And it's a lot of them, you know? And so by us first filling our hearts with truth and the scripture literally putting on the armor of God, we've been able to hand out more grace to each other and go on in that order. And I think something else I know for me, Griff, I don't know if you've done this, but I have been, I mean, journaling has always been a beautiful, big part of my life, even since I was little. Um, but I have been journaling like my prayers, my what ifs, and then with my, what ifs I combat them with with truth and what I know basically, and then even practical, like I have written up so many lists in the past three months of just practical things we need to, I need, we need to do. And what that does. It's just sounds so simple. And maybe to some you guys girly, but what it does is if I don't actually just do a simple, practical step of taking those things that are in my mind that are racing around and I, and I'm literally, it's like an act of getting them out and putting them on the paper. It stops them from running my thoughts and it stops them from me thinking, I need to remember this. I need to do this. And it actually takes it off of my own strength, especially when I pray about them. I it's almost like my hands are open. I'm surrendering where my children are going to go to school where I'm going to deliver this baby. It's just like, and then with that, I'll be like, call this person, call this, call it. So it's like this mixture of incredibly practical and then to spiritual and it overlaps. But it, it declutters my mind and my thoughts and helps me to rest in Jesus. And it helps me to simplify. And then it helps me to be able to help you when you're struggling. It's all interconnected.
Speaker 1:That's so good. Yeah, I don't journal, but that's, I think it's per personality or what works. And what I think you're saying is stress creates mental exhaustion, which affects everything else, because then you have less to give to your family, to your marriage, to yourself, to your health, to your physical state. It leads to a lot of other things. Is that fair to say? And so I think for you with journaling, it's it is it's getting it out of some type of healthy outlet, uh, which to me is either prayer or is talking you and I having intentional conversation of really stopping and realizing, man. Yeah. My mind is ping pong ING into all these things that I'm trying to figure out or make sense of that it's not even time to make those decisions. And it's like a whirlwind that has no end point, you know, it's like a hurricane in your mind. So whatever the outlet is, communication being vulnerable, praying, journaling, you have to find a way to do that. So it doesn't stick.
Speaker 2:You've made some Excel spreadsheets, which is like the man's version of journaling. I will say, you know, and you've made budgets like that's a male journal,
Speaker 1:So true, well visualizing. And sometimes it's to your point with journaling, you probably can visualize all that's in there and then, but then you have it kind of laid out. So for me, I carry the weight of keeping our money in tax and all of that. And so it does help me to plan ahead, what's our mortgage going to be, what can we afford and not be at the, you know, at the very top end of our budget. So we can actually go on a vacation one time
Speaker 2:In our life and really
Speaker 1:Trying to think ahead. But if that's just swirling around and you don't get it out, talk about it. You got so excited about the Excel sheet.
Speaker 2:Well, I just remembered, like you've done so many Excel sheets. I don't even have that on my computer. It's like a logical journaling. And the last thing that I think we've done for each other as we've slowed down, I think there's something so important about when you're in this season of stress to not rush, to get all the answers figured out and, and to pause and like what has got answered and just praise him for that. Just stop and acknowledge that. And we've, we've not tried cause cause it's natural to want to be like, okay, check now what's the next thing. Okay, great check. You know, but it's like, no, this is going to be a season and it's going to be a journey again. And it's, if we try to rush through this, we're going to miss things. And I think a way that we've been intentional, I know for me, and I I'm still even feeling it even more is we put up some boundaries, like who are we going to share? This, that what we're walking through right now with like, there were people that we told we were going on the trip and they texted us on the trip and like, we're praying over you right now. Like how's it going? Because we knew we could rely on them to be praying over us and to trust them with this SI with the season. But that, that list was pretty tight and it was pretty small. And just being aware of who we're going to allow to just speak in to these things, because we're already heightened with what's going on. Right. And so I think that was a way that we also slowed down as we didn't just share it with like with our mouths, I guess that's not our style.
Speaker 1:Like I didn't want to answer the same questions to a hundred people or when you leave in what's happening, it's like, yeah, yeah. At the right time. So that, that was a way of protecting. And so in some form or fashion, and I think you touched on something important, like I was trying to put a name to this, but like the urgency trap and feeling like you have to figure out everything and, and like you said, check everything off the list and get this done and have the answers to that and buy this and do that and do that. It's like, Whoa, like let's kind of take the process I guess. And just kind of, step-by-step focus on one thing at a time I get, when, when someone tries to throw me into that urgency, like I just pull back and I can't function. Some people I think maybe can function like that. Um, but we've tried to be that be still and just what, what can we focus on now and not feel like we to get everything done
Speaker 2:Right now and just take it step by step. Yeah. And I think it's remembering to his word is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. And like a lamp only lights up a couple inches around your feet. And it's, it is a one step at a time. And it's walking with Jesus again, Peter on the water, one foot in front of the other, it was, it is going to be a process it's not going to be. And I think our culture, like you need to have your ducks in a row. You need to have it all planned out. What's your 401k, what's, you know, the, the, the, I don't even know just what are all these things look like? And, and what are these answers and what are you going to do about this? And people would ask me that. And I would just say, I don't know, Jesus will show me. I don't know how you going to do five kids by the grace of God. Someone sent me a listing for a 12 passenger van that's available in our County or whatever. And I know that where you are, you might be feeling stressed. Um, and we pray that these can be tools that you can think about. Take them, use them, make them your own, talk about it with your spouse. Because if you're not in a moment of stress, there's just a good chance. You know, it's not even half the year that something is going to happen. And what if you approached it in this beautiful way of just handling it with the Lord and you look back on that season of stress and you say, wow, like we were faithful. We honored the father and we grew out of it. You know, you can thrive no matter the season you're in. And we want that for you or believing that for you. So we love you guys. We so appreciate you letting us speak into your life once a week. It means so much to us. We pray you have such a great week and we will catch you
Speaker 4:Next time. This podcast is produced by talk edits.com. You talk, we'll edit. If you like what you're hearing, hit the subscribe button. So you don't miss an episode. We hope you enjoy getting to know Griffin and Heather for more information about them. Visit real marriage podcast.com. That's real marriage podcast.com. Thanks for listening.